For the first time in about 35 years I was not working. I had an idea I could market myself as a consultant but that went nowhere as I put little energy into it. Luckily I had investments that I could draw on to live. With so much time on my hands I began to study again with familiar teachers. By now I was so deep in the shadows I began a time of trying to figure out what was wrong with me that I could not “get” all this great knowledge being shared. I can see myself literally shaking my head” yes” as I read about the addict archetype but not seeing I was living it with exercise. Looking back I feel so much love for that part of me wallowing in such foolishness.
The worry continued about money. Was it going to last and what if this and what if that? In this place there was no room for accepting the miracle that money was there and the bills were getting paid. The fear of not being enough flowed over into the fear of not having enough.
However, the pull in me to be, to live the life I came here for managed to peak through periodically. Knowing I needed to be giving I volunteered to work with a woman with Alzheimer’s disease who was in an assisted living situation. What a gift she was in my life. She brought laughter and tears but one of the greatest lessons was experiencing living in the moment.
The other effort I made was testing the waters of attending church again. I chose a Unity Church since several Unity ministers were teachers for me. The minute I walked in the love and light surrounded me. It was almost too much. My attendance was irregular and I tried to keep a very low profile.
But I had “control” of exercising and eating and reveled in how thin I was ignoring signs that all was not well with my health. The Universe kept trying to get my attention through every means including nose bleeds and shaking and lack of energy.
Do you see times in your life when the Universe, Creator, God tried to get your attention? How did you respond? What was the result?