Throughout the course of my life I have periodically fallen into the pit of believing I am not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, a good enough mother and so on and so on. As I read these words I must say my reaction is “Oh my, what a lot of time I spent at the pity party.” For that is what it was for me. I call it a party as part of me celebrated since not being enough meant I was not in control and therefore doing anything would not make a difference. Whenever I got stuck or life did not turn out as I wanted there was always this excuse. It was a part of my belief system.
When did this belief begin to change? I may not know exactly but I can pinpoint when I became clearly aware of it. At a retreat I asked God “Am I enough?” And the answer immediately came back. “I willed you into being, created you, so how could you not be enough” (Tears of joy come to my eyes as I write this.). It was time to stop that way of thinking, of using that excuse to stagnate. The realization came that the Universe does not half way create and that I am part of the Divine.
This is work! It means saying no when feelings of doubt arise and learning to let those feelings just move through as they are part of being human. The limiting behavior did not go away overnight. My practice became sitting in silence often contemplating a reading from the “Essence Speaks” part of Diadra’s book Grace Awakening Essence or from The Giving Self by Paul F. Gorman. And wondrously I began to see myself differently as the focus shifted to my purpose and how to fulfill it. One day I looked in the mirror and felt such love for the person looking back at me. I looked into my eyes and saw the Divine Spirit residing in that body.
And the Lord sends all the support needed in people, reading material, visions and angels. Recognizing I am enough helps me release and experience the joy at my core. But it also means I must at times act on ideas that come to me as it did with this blog rather than continuing to sit in fear. This is a perfect example of support being sent when needed. I knew I was supposed to be writing and speaking what I know. My mentor/soul coach suggested starting with a blog. Initially my reaction was who would want to read it (ah, not enough again) and then I realized it did not matter. It is as much a practice for me as it is to stimulate the thinking of others who may read it.
Please know I celebrate your divinity and the connection that creates between us.
What are your thoughts and feelings around the concept of “being enough”? Share any practices you have to assist you in maintaining focus on your divinity.