Archive | March 2013

The Past Two Weeks

In the previous post I did not add the comment that because I/we are human vigilance is still required even when your heart recognizes the truth of freedom.  That was apparent over the last two weeks.  In trying to describe that time words come to mind such as irritating, humorous, exasperating, disappointing and surprising.  A full spectrum of emotions, feelings and thoughts arose and passed through.  And yet here I sit calm and at peace reflecting on it all.

The first week was a continued mix of peace and frustration.  Maybe it was similar to a state of shock as the realization (again) came of lack of control and what I saw as disrespect for my work and for me.  I kept reminding myself to watch and listen remembering the freedom at my center.  This meant frequently going into the silence even if only for two minutes.  The desire to walk out the door became quieter as I kept pulling myself back to center.

This past week I saw one door open and one close with mixed emotions.  It was all rather fascinating.  One day I met with the supervisor of the new job and discussed how she saw the work.  Wonder of wonders it involved exciting new learning opportunities in areas of interest to me as well as ways to use the knowledge and skills I already possess.  There are still unknowns but many possibilities to grow and shine.

The same day I learned the area I am moving from planned to use a vacant position to carry out many of my old duties as systems coordinator.  The next day I met with the assistant director who among other things indicated the job was mine if I wanted it.  I was able to voice my concerns about the whole process and felt something was just not right.  I did learn that several mangers voiced strong displeasure with my leaving and am very appreciative of that appreciation as I told several of them.

The next day something happened to push my buttons and I literally saw red for the first time in ages.  I was again ready to walk out on it all.  However, with the help of my supervisor reminding me to breathe and calling on imagery I use in this type of situation to let these feelings just flow over me I calmed down.  Then I just began to laugh.  I knew at that point that it was time to leave the toxic atmosphere and try my hand at something new.

What happened in this whole process?  I believe it goes back a year or more when I began a practice of consciously appreciating the financial prosperity, connections with people and the good, bad and ugly lessons learned in this job.  I told the Universe that I released the job and was ready to move on. Of course I had my idea that I needed to move to the ocean NOW!   About six months later I began to have thoughts of suggesting changes in the job and was encouraged to speak out.  When I proposed more of a training focus to the job my supervisor supported it and was a strong advocate.  My soul coach at some point advised me to just watch and be ready.

So it was several months later that I got the news the position was moving to the training division and initially reacted the old way with “How dare they not consult me” and on and on.  Then the Universe threw in some more humor when I was offered a position to stay in the old place even when it was work I no longer wanted to do.  My ego was stroked by folks telling me they did not want me to go.  Also, I work with so many good people in the current job and will miss working closely with some of them.  However, there will still be some contact. Through most of this last week I knew in my heart that I was being given a gift with the change.  It was all so easy.  Not only is there a new adventure to look forward to but in this process another piece of the puzzle of who I am – Freedom and Love – fell into place.

I understand now my soul coach encouraging me to speak up, stand in my truth and watch creation move. It took over a year (and in truth how quickly that time went by) but I look forward to at minimum more learning and making new connections and at maximum a great experience of playing in a new playground. Of course I will be ever vigilant.  I thank God and all the angels that are sent my way for providing what I need always and have faith that realizations of other dreams will float right into my life.

Are you comfortable with your voice?  Do you use it to inform your creation?  How patient are you?  Think about what you see as your playground.  Is there a way to expand it?

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Transitions Continue – Freedom

Recently I was bemoaning the fact that I could not think of anything to write about for this blog.  My friend and soul coach suggested I write about what is happening to me in the current transition period in my life.  My initial reaction as is often the case was what is there to write about and since I am so tired of everything in my life how can I help anyone by talking about what I am going through.

Then it happened. Another one of those quiet realizations landed in for me.  I have come to see that stages of soul transition sneak up on me.  I was sitting in the quiet and all of a sudden I truly felt “I AM FREE!” After almost falling off my chair in astonishment this thought and feeling grew to an awareness of certainty.  There are no more chains of past hurts, mistakes, regrets holding me back or keeping me from moving.  There are no thorny future briar patches full of pain and hurt that I must navigate.  There is only now and I am free to choose how to live in it.  Free to choose peace and joy that Love supports at my core to guide me through what I may perceive to be the good and the bad in life.

Why is that important right now?  Because it came days after I was notified of the beginning of another transition in my human life.  With no input from me and with probably many ulterior motives that have nothing to do with me, my position at work is being moved out of the division it has been in for almost five years to another division.  No explanation of the planning involved in this decision, no real description of what I will be doing was given although I can speculate all day long.  I disagree with this action and am especially saddened that I was not consulted in detail about this beforehand.  However, it continues to support my belief that big mistakes are made when the folks that do the work are not consulted and listened to before decisions regarding organization are made.  My initial reaction also included irritation at the way an entire unit is being dismantled and the notification process was a group meeting to announce it.  After that meeting my thought was that this is giving me the push to leave and figure out what I really want to do with my life.

But now I recognize I AM FREE!  I am not responsible for anyone else’s behavior, decisions or energy.  Before this was a thought, an idea I accepted as truth.  Now I know it at my core.   I can choose to stay or go.  And maybe some of the decisions actually will bring good – fancy that.J  Although the human part of me wants to walk out the door and thumb my nose at it all, I know in my heart this is a time to watch and wait.  So I will ask questions and listen to what is said by the managers in this new division and those in the old.  A truly wonderful opportunity has been given to me to listen to my heart as there is nothing to fear.  There is little doubt that I will experience exasperation and fear as well as learning and expansion.  But now I know that none of the negative emotions are chains locking me into old patterns.  They are feelings to be honored and allowed to move through.  Who knows if ultimately I will stay for awhile or go, but I am free to choose from the depths of me not just react from my ego. What a gift as I continue my upward and outward expansion of light.

Do you see yourself as free?  If not what are your chains, your impediments to freedom?  Do you see yourself as free in one aspect of your life and not free in another?  How did you come to be free in that area?  Can it guide you to real freedom? Are you willing to ask someone to help you get there?