In the previous post I did not add the comment that because I/we are human vigilance is still required even when your heart recognizes the truth of freedom. That was apparent over the last two weeks. In trying to describe that time words come to mind such as irritating, humorous, exasperating, disappointing and surprising. A full spectrum of emotions, feelings and thoughts arose and passed through. And yet here I sit calm and at peace reflecting on it all.
The first week was a continued mix of peace and frustration. Maybe it was similar to a state of shock as the realization (again) came of lack of control and what I saw as disrespect for my work and for me. I kept reminding myself to watch and listen remembering the freedom at my center. This meant frequently going into the silence even if only for two minutes. The desire to walk out the door became quieter as I kept pulling myself back to center.
This past week I saw one door open and one close with mixed emotions. It was all rather fascinating. One day I met with the supervisor of the new job and discussed how she saw the work. Wonder of wonders it involved exciting new learning opportunities in areas of interest to me as well as ways to use the knowledge and skills I already possess. There are still unknowns but many possibilities to grow and shine.
The same day I learned the area I am moving from planned to use a vacant position to carry out many of my old duties as systems coordinator. The next day I met with the assistant director who among other things indicated the job was mine if I wanted it. I was able to voice my concerns about the whole process and felt something was just not right. I did learn that several mangers voiced strong displeasure with my leaving and am very appreciative of that appreciation as I told several of them.
The next day something happened to push my buttons and I literally saw red for the first time in ages. I was again ready to walk out on it all. However, with the help of my supervisor reminding me to breathe and calling on imagery I use in this type of situation to let these feelings just flow over me I calmed down. Then I just began to laugh. I knew at that point that it was time to leave the toxic atmosphere and try my hand at something new.
What happened in this whole process? I believe it goes back a year or more when I began a practice of consciously appreciating the financial prosperity, connections with people and the good, bad and ugly lessons learned in this job. I told the Universe that I released the job and was ready to move on. Of course I had my idea that I needed to move to the ocean NOW! About six months later I began to have thoughts of suggesting changes in the job and was encouraged to speak out. When I proposed more of a training focus to the job my supervisor supported it and was a strong advocate. My soul coach at some point advised me to just watch and be ready.
So it was several months later that I got the news the position was moving to the training division and initially reacted the old way with “How dare they not consult me” and on and on. Then the Universe threw in some more humor when I was offered a position to stay in the old place even when it was work I no longer wanted to do. My ego was stroked by folks telling me they did not want me to go. Also, I work with so many good people in the current job and will miss working closely with some of them. However, there will still be some contact. Through most of this last week I knew in my heart that I was being given a gift with the change. It was all so easy. Not only is there a new adventure to look forward to but in this process another piece of the puzzle of who I am – Freedom and Love – fell into place.
I understand now my soul coach encouraging me to speak up, stand in my truth and watch creation move. It took over a year (and in truth how quickly that time went by) but I look forward to at minimum more learning and making new connections and at maximum a great experience of playing in a new playground. Of course I will be ever vigilant. I thank God and all the angels that are sent my way for providing what I need always and have faith that realizations of other dreams will float right into my life.
Are you comfortable with your voice? Do you use it to inform your creation? How patient are you? Think about what you see as your playground. Is there a way to expand it?