Tag Archive | heart

The Move Part 1

For over a year I experienced thoughts about selling my house but I did not reach a decision as I was unsure it was what I really wanted to do. My mind went the route of telling me I was being irresponsible and even un-American not wanting a real estate investment and after all this was part of the American Dream and on an on. In fact it played the “you need to be grateful for what you have” card as part of this process.

During this time I was led to work on a project to possibly identify an area on the the Atlantic Coast that was calling my name as a place to live. This project involved sitting quietly and feeling or imagining myself in different areas. I really skipped the Virginia coast. In North Carolina I landed on the Outer Banks where I spent many years visiting twice a year but not for the past few years. My assessment was that I was complete with what I learned there which in essence gave me the opportunity to realize my affinity for the ocean and awakened my passion for growing spiritually or actually remembering who I really am.

Next in my visioning I moved down to South Carolina and landed in the Charleston area. I spent time several years ago in Folly Beach where I learned some interesting things about myself and a past life influence. Again I did not feel strongly about returning. Then I landed in Florida and the Gulf Coast side. I spent quite a bit of time in the area of Sarasota, Siesta Key, Venice, Punta Gorda area. As part of this practice of feeling into geographical areas I learned much about the Gulf Coast and realized a strong connection to sea turtles to add to my already strong connection to pelicans. I was sure Florida was the spot for my next adventure.

However, I got distracted by life happenings and left that exploration. I did not stop thinking about it being time to sell my house and figured In the Spring a decision would come. In quiet time I turned it over to God and the Universe saying I was tired of thinking about it, so I surrendered it to them.

Right after the first of this year I arrived home to find a typed note on my door. It was from a realtor explaining she had a client interested in living in the area but there was nothing currently for sale. She requested I call her if I was interested in selling my home. My first reaction was incredulity. Was this a scam. Then I think I looked up and said out loud is this a sign? I checked out the realtor and firm and discovered they were reputable and called her. I left a message and then I waited about a week.

When she called the explanation was that a client was moving from Florida to be near family and my style townhome was what she wanted. The realtor put letters on the doors of several homes. I explained I was considering putting my home on the market in the Spring and was willing to entertain selling it. I told her she was welcome to come and look at the house. The plan was she would get back with me to schedule a time. Several weeks went by and I heard nothing. I went inside to my center and set an intention to wait and accept that this might not work out. But I did know selling the house was a right decision.

See Part 2 next for how the flow continued.

Are you in the midst of making a decision? How are you guided?


Maine: A Journey of Play and Discovery

Many years ago a dear friend introduced me to the beauty of Maine. Almost from the moment we entered the state I fell in love with it! Two visits were made over a few years, and my connection with it remains strong. Strange how a place can so capture us and I believe, at least for me, the attraction to that State is an energetic heart connection. In the time that has passed since my last visit (more than 10 years ago I think) I have stayed in touch through Down East magazine (subtitled “ the magazine of Maine) and through friends who have a home on the water there where they spend the summer with their two dogs and two cats.

A year ago I began to clearly see and feel that Maine is a part of my journey that is not complete. Last summer I kept getting prompts from my heart that it was time to return. I made a decision to spend a month there in 2015 and things began to fall into place. I was led to a lovely old house in Rockland across the street from the bay and rented it even though the time was a year away. It is a wonderful place to be based to visit places on the coast including Acadia National Park as well as enjoy the energy of Rockland itself.

Much of my life I spent hiding who I truly am in an effort to fit in or to experience what I thought was fitting in. During that time of hiding there were periods of rebellion which often caused hurt or confusion and led to my missing so much of who I am. But in the last few years that has changed. Even though in the past there were wonderful, joyful experiences what I feel now is a depth of joy and peace beyond description. However, I am a light being having a human experience so there is always more to learn and more progress to be made. Life on this planet is difficult now in so many ways. Truly being who I came here to be is necessary if I am to fulfill my purpose for being here.

A year has almost passed since I made the decision to visit Maine. Life marches on and during that time I retired again and being human there is always trauma and drama in my personal life and family life. Humanity struggles with violence and hatred. The earth continues to try to adjust to its new rotational frequency as well as to all the suffering it has incurred due to our human thoughtlessness and greed.  But under it all a consciousness of light and peace is getting stronger and stronger as humanity chooses to evolve to a higher level.

And here I am poised to begin a new part of my journey: an adventure with many levels, layers and surprises. First I will connect to the beloved ocean in a truly different way with the breathtaking scenery of a rocky coast where often mountains (or hills) and ocean meet. I have found that each state I visit has a different t energetic feel and Maine is very different than Virginia. It is hard for me to describe but maybe as I move though the trip and connect with both those who live there and visitors I can begin to describe what it truly means for me.

imageAn important aspect of the trip to Maine is experiencing me in an environment where I have no need to take on any expected role. It is a place to open my heart and experience myself without expectations of family or friends. It is a time to play and explore.  In a way it is a part of a pilgrimage to Pam. Who will I discover? I plan to share my experiences and thoughts during the trip which begins in the middle of July. Please let me know if there is something specific you want me to comment about or to discuss. Maybe I will be able to include some pictures.

Have there been pilgrimages in your life? When did these occur and what did you learn? What wonderful places on this beautiful earth played a part in any pilgrimage or learning? Do you feel connected to the earth and if so, in what ways?

Music of/to/from the Heart

Those of you who follow this blog know that I was raised in a musical family although that gene passed me by to some extent (no regrets there as I now know it was not mine to do).  But I gained an incredible appreciation for music of many styles.  Music plays a prominent role in my enjoyment and celebration of life over time through radio, records, then tapes, then CD’s and now MP3.

I realize that which is music of my heart or to my heart – that which causes my heart to sing – goes way beyond the traditional musical notes.  Almost every day I play a CD that is nothing except the sounds of the ocean.  My heart responds joyfully to the music of the waves.  In the early morning as I sit in the quiet a bird greets the dawn with its song and gratitude overflows for this sound that touches my heart.  What a musical high I receive when a friend lets loose with exuberant laughter over something that is said.  My heart dances to the tune of a hug from a family member or the melody of a breeze blowing across my face.

And of course we are told there is the “music of the spheres”.  What began as a mathematical theory for the harmony in the universe (that is a simplified statement of course) has been discussed, embellished and refined for centuries.  But if you look at a night sky or a sunrise or sunset your heart and sometimes your ears respond to the music, the harmony of the movement of the planets and the stars as well the animal kingdom and all life.

I am so grateful for my sense of touch, my sight and my hearing that give me the pleasures of feeling, hearing and seeing all the music around me whether it be the ocean waves, Dolly Parton singing “Try” or the sight of a chipmunk as it scurries across my yard.  But as Helen Keller said, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.  They must be felt within the heart.” Which leads me to lines from a song recorded by Wynona Judd and written by Billy Kirsch: “Sing”.

“Sing from somewhere way down deep, sing and make the angels weep

Sing and open heavens door, sing ‘til you can’t sing no more.

Sing (your songs of dark and light make your mark with all your might)

Sing (your songs of hope and fear sing the song that sent you here)

Sing your heart out.

We are all here to express the music of our heart whether that be singing, dancing, teaching, inventing, parenting, healing or whatever the music calls us to be and to do.  We are the music of the heart.

One more note.  Music is also the wave carrier of light.  To find out more about this check out musician  Mark Torgeson’s video and get a free music sample at: http://planetaryawakening.org/living-library-pl1-mark-sequence/ .

Do you hear the music of your heart? What is it?  If not are you ready to discover it?  What is the music for or to your heart at this time in your life?

The Story

An amusing thing happened recently as I tried to make a decision.  As often happened in the past when trying to make decisions I was agonizing over whether to return to work (yes, I retired again on October 31, 2013).  I spoke with a friend about it and was going on and on with why I should not do it.  She just cut to the chase telling me that I was stuck retelling the old story in my mind and I (the heart of me) was not there anymore. I was stopped cold in my whining immediately seeing the truth of what she said.  It almost took my breath away.  Of course, I was in the old thinking pattern based on old perceptions and my way of relating to them.  My mind was going round and round with the story – he did, she didn’t, they won’t, he said and on and on with the old way of thinking.

In an instant I realized that all of that had nothing to do with me.  It was as if a light turned on in the dark and even no dark corners remained. With that situation I recognize now that I am above any story and anything attached to it. This allows me to affirm that I have skills and knowledge that bring me joy as I support and connect to others. I know now it right to return to work using all that I am but with a new focus.

I am writing about this because I think it is such a good example of how the mind will sabotage movement forward in an attempt to ward off the fear of change or any other fear that arises when it is decision time. When we begin to understand that is a normal function of the human mind given what it knows, then we are able to catch ourselves (or hopefully have friends who assist with that) and take a breath.  One thing I learned is to first appreciate my mind for all it gives me.  Then I picture it as a small child being held in my arms, surrounded by light and being reassured it is safe and loved. That process frees me to step out of any story I am reciting and to listen to my heart.

Time must be made for silence for it is in quiet that we best hear that which is at our core – the feeling the heart is communicating.  It may be for 30 seconds or 15 minutes but silence is where the answers reside.  As the feeling rises it informs the body and the mind.  For me it is a feeling of lightness and joy.  And with the decision to return to work releasing the story and allowing truth to settle in provides me with renewed confidence in my skills.  In these situations I sometimes actually find myself dancing and singing for joy.

Also, remember as you look at your stories (and do not forget your family and friends stories) and how they impact your life that we often write stories for others. I once created a story in my mind about a man I observed working out in the gym and pitied because he seemed so inadequate and later was totally embarrassed to learn his situation was totally opposite my creation and he had a delightful life.  So not only monitor your mind for your stories but for the time the mind wastes creating stories for others.

For those of you who feel you are moving forward in listening to your heart but want more guidance I strongly recommend you check out Carol Fitzpatrick and Mark Torgeson on planetaryawakening.org.  They offer wonderful workshops, webcasts, music and structured classes that are practical and infused with their light and love. And remember that even as we move ahead there will be times of difficulty or briefly feeling lost as we move through this human existence.  However, successful navigation of those times is found in the heart as it lets us release any stories that hang us up.

Are there stories interfering with your life?  If so, what are they?  Are you willing to closely examine them and release the hold they have on your mind?

Perhaps Love Is

As I stated in an early post music is a major joy in my life.  I love looking at it from the standpoint of what it says about both our human and spiritual lives.    So for  a time I am going to change the focus of this blog to begin to look at some songs (mostly older, “non-religious”) that have many layers and are another doorway to understanding our lives and hearts.

The subject of love is widely covered in literature, music, art, religion, philosophy……  We are obsessed with the study of it, the expression (or lack thereof) of it, the mystery and intangibility of it while all the while trying to define it.  “Perhaps Love” a song written by John Denver is one attempt to explore love.

Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home.”

In the first stanza the exploration begins.  Love is described with feel good words rest, shelter, warm, comfort.  This love is so positive that it stays in your consciousness as a welcome memory that provides a sense of home when that is needed.  But what about folks who do not have a good experience of home? Do they relate to this at all?  Do we need to explore “home”.  First let’s look at what the songwriter moves on to say.

“Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don’t know what to do
The memory of love will see you through.”

In the next verse love becomes active.  It beckons you to explore to expand what you think it is: “it wants to show your more.”   Even a glimpse of that more becomes a part of you so that when lost you hold on to what is remembered about this love.  Again the “memory of love” is referenced.

“Oh, Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don’t know.”

And then the section above reflects on the different ways people see love: soft, strong, way of life, feeling, all encompassing or confusing.  Many of us probably have experienced or witnessed love that wants so badly to hold on. Here it is established that there seems to be no consensus about defining love.

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it’s cold outside
Thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you.”

In the final verse we again get a mixture of thoughts or feelings: conflict, pain yet warmth.  Also, for someone that loves the ocean is there comfort there or is it what reminds of conflict and pain?  For some of us there is energy and excitement in thunder and for some fear.  And at the end a “you” is referred to as holding the memories of love.  The last two verses are repeated before the song ends.

My belief is that not only does this song capture the many ways we experience human love but underneath tells us who we are: children of God/Creation/the Universe not only created from love but love itself.  The word “home” for many may hold negative feelings that lead them to reject even the idea of love attached to it but I believe this song is telling us to look beyond that.

Notice that the first two verses reference going home” in relationship to the “memory of love”.  However, in the last verse it changes to “my memories of love will be of you.”  On one level it can be said this refers to another human being.  While that may be true I believe there is a much deeper level referred to here.

As I listen to the song what becomes truth for me is that there is a memory born in another place beyond my humanity. There is something at our core that “memory” of where we came from or who we are beyond our human earth home.  During the dark times in my life that memory has carried me through to light. It is a memory that whispers you are loved beyond measure and you are LOVE.  As I remember that it fills my heart and comforts me in times of trouble and joy.  Yes, the human experiences both the positive and negative impact of love in human relationships but those do not define Love.  For me ultimately it is God/Creation/the Universe that ultimately is the “you” and the “home”.

I also believe John Denver was a light being who came here to help us see the beauty of the earth and ourselves.  He recorded a wonderful duet with Placido Domingo of this song and if you do not know it I suggest you take time to listen and let it speak to your heart.

As you look at your life what are your experiences of love?  Are you willing to open your heart to see what may be beyond your human experience?  Does music have answers for us to our questions about life?


What comes to mind when you hear or read the word “drifting”?  Take a minute and jot down your first thoughts.  Are your first responses negative such as “aimless”, “irresponsible”, “lack of direction”, etc.? Or are they positive: “staying afloat”, “exploring”, “relaxed”, “flowing” and so on.

I have been contemplating the concept of drifting as recently it popped into my thoughts as a descriptor of my life right now.  For the last few weeks it has been peaceful as well as strange.  When the word drifting came up it was not in a negative way but I wondered why that word.  The new role at work is certainly calmer and full of newness in many ways: new people, new learning, new work process and lots of other newness.  Yet there is also sameness as I work with the same automated system in a different way.  I also interact with some of the same people that I did in my old role but the relationship is altered.  There is also less: less email, less telephone calls, less toxicity, less interaction.  There is change and no change.  Is it the balance of these that brings to mind “drifting”?

The thesaurus lists the terms traveling, wandering, migrant, itinerant and nomadic as synonyms.  My first reaction when reading these was that I am not traveling anywhere or wandering.  But then the image of floating on a raft in the ocean came to mind.  As you know the ocean currents are always on the move and the waves rise and fall.  In this image I feel it all as I drift in the light of a day that is brilliant and warming.  There is rest here and awareness.  Awareness that within the “new” and the “less” there is calm.

All of the above thoughts were about my “job”.  So I began looking at other aspects of my life.  My personal life is quiet: contact with family frequently, some connection with friends and the normal day to day activities of living.  There is even a sense of drifting in my quiet times as I seem to shorten the time spent in silence.  I realize I definitely have a sense of drifting in my personal life and it has somewhat of a negative tone.  I ask myself what am I supposed to be doing and why am I just drifting along seemingly purposeless?

However, as I reflect more on this I recognize that I truly have been traveling forward.  The quote from J.R.R Tolkien comes to mind: “Not all who wander are lost.”  It is inside at my core that forward and upward movement is happening and the drifting I feel is allowing and actually supporting the integration of all the light that is coming in and all the knowing that is opening up my heart even more.  This is a process that allows me to be in the moment so that my expansion can occur.  What a blessing my life is right now!

And being human I have to ask so what’s nextJ

Have you ever had that sense of just drifting along in life?  Was it positive or negative?  Was the feeling in all parts of your life or just one aspect of it?  How do you feel about it as you reflect?


Choice From Feeling

In this time of the beginning new year I have mulled over what to blog about next.  For a month or more the word “choice” keeps popping up and I keep ignoring it.  One excuse has been that so many folks are writing and speaking about choice what additionally can I have to say.  But the word will not go away so here is the beginning of my exploring “Choice”.

Our days are filled with choices and decisions that are small, medium and large as well as easy and hard.  We make a choice to get out of bed in the morning; we choose what we will eat, what we will wear and on and on throughout the day.  Some are easy and we do not even think about them as choices.  Others take time, consideration and sometimes pain and/or joy are involved.   Some of us make decisions quickly without hesitation even when there is a difficult choice involved.  Others take time considering all sides trying to ensure the “right” choice is made.

Those of you who have been following this blog from the beginning know that I made several significant decisions out of anger and fear.  These were choices made from my emotions that took over my thinking.  Of course we use our minds to evaluate information collected to make decisions including the direction we will take on our path in life.  Some of us choose to stay moving in the same direction and others explore north ,east, south and west as they move through life here on earth.  But regardless I am coming to understand that on its own the mind can get confused as my ego (often led by survival fears) becomes involved.  It is when I go first to my heart, the core of me, asking questions and listening that my mind then freely receives critical information from Spirit. It is through feeling (not emotions) informing thinking that choices filled with joy are made.

The difference between emotion and feeling is not something that was easy for me to learn.  And it is not easy for me to put into words.  For me feeling is a knowing, a peace that washes over me when something is right.  When it is not right at a particular time the feeling of peace and joy is absent and I am often agitated.  This has taken practice, practice, practice and a willingness to accept all choices and decisions made as part of my learning.  If something does not turn out as I expect or is not the “right” choice, I consider what I learned, let it go and move on.  As I said earlier this takes practice, practice, practice for most of us.  It takes making the time to sit in relaxed silence and listen.

Our busy lives so often get in the way of our plans to set aside daily time to sit in quiet or silence.  It means developing a discipline.  I find now when I get out of sync with this my day is frequently out of sync.  The amazing part is that the  heart becomes so attached to this practice that it lets you know and often draws you into silence even if only for one or two minutes.  You begin to see that even one or two minutes can turn your around.  Without the help of mentors and friends I am not sure I would be where I am in my understanding now.  And there is so much more growing, learning and giving ahead that it is with joyous trusting that I continue on the journey.

One practice may be to try this with small choices or decisions to begin to notice the difference in a heart choice and a strictly mind choice.  I strongly recommend that you find someone who is a coach, a mentor, friend or all three who can assist you in focusing on discerning the language of your heart.  So much joy awaits you.

What choices or decisions have you made recently?  Have they been based on feeling or thinking?  Are you satisfied with your choice making process at this stage in your life?  Share where you are in this process.